Remember when you were first dating and your man gave you a smile and said you were on his mind all day? But now after being married awhile, the mortgage and working hard for the family is what is most likely taking up his thoughts. Want a few ideas for how you can gain back some of that mental real estate and stay on his mind all day?
I got some.
First, get excited
I don’t want ya’ll pouting and grumbling that your man is too busy to think of you or that you shouldn’t have to figure out ways to drop into his brain. Sweet one it’s just the part of marriage that people are talking about when they say, “work at your marriage.” And guess what? When you get the hang of it I think you’ll have fun playing around with his mind just like you did when you were dating.
Reality Check
Let’s face it as moms we can be just as distracted as our guys. We get caught up in the hustle of diapers and doing the motherhood thing. Romance and marriage end up taking a back seat.
It happens to our men too. They are working hard to provide and take care of us. Men feel a heavy responsibility to lead, feed, protect and provide for their family. So let’s just give each other grace and help each other out.
Drop in on His mind
It’s a busy world and most of us don’t have hours to gaze into each other’s eyes over coffee. But you can show up on a text message, voicemail or inbox as many times a day as you want.
A simple: “How are you?” “Thinking of you.” Or “Hey Babe its all most date night and I can’t wait to cuddle.” Is enough to break into his thoughts and drop some love into his brain. Trust me it will put a smile on his face as thoughts of you invade his mind. Giving him a thought hug from you. And that smile will continue as he ponders how blessed he is with you for a wife. Oh and psst… don’t follow up with “will you get lettuce on the way home?” Let your sweet words be the last thing lingers around in his thoughts.
Be Intentional
Yep there it is again. I know most of the advice I give encourages you towards intentionality. But honestly we just don’t drift into good habits or good marriages.
Be proactive.
Connecting intentionally will help keep you on his mind and you on his.
- Set your phone alarm and no matter what you’re doing… stop and connect with your man.
- Timers work for the evenings too. We all need a reminder now and again. Set your timer for 8:00 pm and find him in the house and give him a big hug and kiss and tell him how happy you are that he’s all yours.
- And what if those timers had ringtones of songs that remind you of him?
Stuck?
Stuck on what to say as you connect? Has it been a hard season and you don’t want to say anything nice?
- Stir up your memories of better times and borrow from your own romance story. Share those memories with him.
- And instead of your phone wallpaper filled with pictures of your kids or dogs. Plaster that thing with your favorite picture of him. You know the one that makes you giggle on the inside. Yep that one.
Study your man
You know like you did when you first started dating him. Remember when you saw him and he didn’t know you were watching. You’d notice everything about him.
Try this:
- Take a few minutes and sneak a peek at him in action. Watching how sweet he talks to your kids. How he jiggles his foot when he’s watching the game. Enjoy the how that “cute date guy” turned into the man that sits at your table and shares your bed. Make a mental list of the things that only you know because you’re his girl. Trust me this will make you smile like you did when you were first dating. You’ll have lots of material to drop into his mind with an unexpected text or voicemail.
Stop calling Him “Hey”
We can all fall into this trap the “hey will you pick up the kids?” Or “Hey I got a new dress.” But should we? This guy is not some random “hey” he’s your main squeeze. Calling him by a name no one else calls him is one quick way to take him to that mental real estate that only you occupy.
Maybe you had a pet name for him when you were dating or maybe you still do. There is nothing that breaks into a man’s mind faster than a title that’s just for him and him alone.
Don’t have one? Check out this list. Got some fresh ones for myself here.
Dating Does You Good
I know everyone says this. But guess why? Because it works! Read any marriage material and you will find the same advice. Dating grounds you both and helps you connect. And if there is an imbalance in your marriage then there is one way to correct it. Get things focus on the thing that matters, you and him.
Balance [bal-uh-ns]:
Applying the appropriate amount of attention in the
proper place at the proper time.
In simple terms: Go on a date and look at him.
- Put your attention on him and nothing else for a few hours.
- Don’t talk about the kids for the first 15 min.
- Just look at him and remember all the things that made you tingle when you first met.
- Call a truce and agree not to talk about tough topics… like the ones that lead to heated conversations.
- Do physical stuff on your date… and I don’t mean sex. Go for a walk, go bowling, find a nearby park and take you dinner with you.
More Date Night Advice
If only he would…
Wishing he’d be the one to drop in on your mind? Wish he would set up a surprise date? Bring you a treat? Kiss your neck for 5 min? Stop waiting for him and you mirror what you think is missing in your marriage. I did this for years and it just might be my secret weapon.
I know what he’s thinking
NO YOU DON’T! Stop assuming you know what he’s thinking. As intuitive as we are as women we really can’t read minds, especially a man’s mind. We are just wired different. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn and use that knowledge to grow closer.
So, don’t assume just ask. Here are a few conversation starters.
- Politics, sports, the newest gadget on the market?
- What were you thinking when you were first dating?
- What was your favorite memory?
- Treat him like the super cute guy who’s taking you and sharing the evening with instead of the guy you only share the mortgage with.
For more conversation starters check out my friend Susie Albert Miller and her “Fun and Fast Conversation Starter List” at http://www.susiemiller.com/
You really can be on his mind just like you were when you were dating. It just takes a little planning and intentionality. Your marriage is worth timers going off, reminders, texting and planning. So get creative. If you have some of your own hints to share drop them in the comment section below we are all learning. And share this post with some of your BFF’s who might want to stay on their man’s mind too.
Great advice to stay on his mind. Thanks for the shout out Mona! I still use those conversations starters 32 years later!