3 Red-Hot Secrets for Winning in Marriage
When people ask us what our secret is to being married for 40 years and still have a red-hot love, we just look at each other as if we are secretly asking each other “Should we tell?”
Not that we don’t want to help, we do. We just wonder if anyone would believe the simplicity of it.
We like our little secret. And just because I’m your Mom coach I’m gonna share it with you.
We do have a red hot love, but what draws us deeper into our marriage relationship is an on going secret game we play.
It’s not the board kind of game or the “he said, she said” kind either. It actually isn’t a sit down and play game at all, it’s a on going challenge that we have been playing for 40 years. And oh how my man loves a challenge. Game or challenge we call it our secret. The name? “We simply try to out serve each other.”
And right now he is winning.
As I write this post I am recovering from knee surgery. Warren has taken care of me for 3 weeks straight with 3 more to go. He’s scoring points by making sure I have 3 meals a day, ice for my knee, middle of the night trips to the potty and even acted as my Physical Therapist when they weren’t showing up.
Oh and did I mention I have fresh roses all the time and daily encouragement when I just wanted to cry.
Today I winked at him and said, “Looks like your winning again with all this tender care of me. I’m going to have to step up my game when I’m better.” He smiled a knowing smile back at me and said, “Yep wonder what you’ll come up with.”
This is marriage- the hot kind.
Not just sexy hot but red-hot love you no matter what hot.
Want to know some of my secrets to winning? Let me give you a few tactics I use to out serve my man and you can keep your marriage red hot too. But you have to promise not to tell my man I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Wink!
#1 Set him up for success
Everyday I look for ways to make Warren’s day easier or brighter. Like making sure he has everything he needs at his sink or closet. I simply look for ways to set his day up for success. Whether it is sending him a text of encouragement or cleaning up something that bugs him that doesn’t bother me.
I also look for ways to make his entry back home a success after a long day at work. We have a deal that he calls me when he’s headed home. That always gave me time to straighten up a bit, brush my hair and settle the kids down.
*Today look for one way you can serve your man and make his day better.
#2 Speak life-giving words to him.
God created a woman with the ability to carry life within her body and to bring that life into the world. But that is not the only way she brings life to the world.
You have the ability to bring life to any atmosphere you are in. Ever hear the phrase “If mumma ain’t happy nobody’s happy?” That’s because as a woman you can regulate the emotional thermostat of your home and your marriage. It is our words and our presences that do just that.
Women have a lot of influence in this area and the privilege of being God’s mouthpiece for life giving words. When we speak these kinds of words to our men we build them up and knock down any lies the enemy tries to plant to cause strife in our marriages.
There is a perk for this one.
When we determine to use words that bless and not curse, we find deep pleasure and satisfaction within ourselves. Speech that lifts up, lovingly directs or reinforces our man lifts us up too and strengthens the safe connection between us. And that feels super good.
What can you say to your man today that will lift him up?
#3 Touch as often as possible.
Are you wondering if your husband called me and told me to put this in my post? Ha.
As a mom you are touching and getting touched all day long. Everyone wants a piece of you. I get it. I have 5 kids.
Yet you can forget how important the brush of your hand or a hug can be. You may even be thinking, “Are you kidding me Mona? If I do that then he’ll get a totally different message and I’m too pooped to participate!”
That may be true. And if he does then use those kind words from number 2 to encourage him you adore him and his body and will make it happen another time.
But trust me touching your man will be life giving to you. Promise! Don’t avoid it.
A touch that last a lifetime
The touch of a man and woman who are married is a very special mysterious thing. Something just happens when two people who are in a covenant relationship touch skin to skin.
A simple outside touch ignites the inside oneness that God designed just for you and your man. And the longer you are married the deeper that oneness becomes. Trust me it really does.
Remember the first time he held your hand? Tingles went through it all the way to your toes. The physical connection was there for sure.
Now remember the way he touched your face after you had given birth to your first child. The depth of that feeling consumed your whole soul and body.
God created marriage so that each year that touch takes you to a new and deeper place. You aren’t going to want to miss it.
The culture acts like the best connection you can have with your man is all-sexual and happens before you’re married. And after that it’s all-downhill. This is just a right out lie!
Don’t believe it.
I often have told my children that there’s no way to “try out marriage before marriage.” Sex outside of marriage or living together is in no way equal to the love of a covenant marriage God’s way. He has hidden wonders inside marriage all along the way and you can experience them all.
This week look for special ways that your love is deeper than when you dated. Then today touch your man and remind him of how far you both have come.
No one wants to lose in the game of marriage. And while its true that a hot lasting marriage takes hard work, it doesn’t have to if you, like us, play the “out serve each other game.” Try my secrets strategies and see if; setting him up for success, speaking life giving words to him, and deepening oneness by touching sets you up for a win in your marriage.
If you’d like more of my secrets or have a special marriage question post it below I’d love to help.
And share this with a friend that could use a little gaming in her marriage too.