3 Steps To Crush Motherhood Instead of Motherhood Crushing You
As I coach moms there is one line that keeps showing up in everyones story.
It is this- Moms want to succeed in their families. Nobody wants to mess up their kids, and nobody wants their marriage to fail. And nobody wants to lose themselves in the process.
Yet many moms find that their story has taken a scary scene change and they just don’t know what to do. Though they try they are frustrated. Struggling in silence.
Instead of crushing it at motherhood. Motherhood is crushing them.
Frustration can be paralyzing. Like a huge weight crushing you. I get it. I felt like that a lot when my kids were little. It can be super frustrating when you don’t feel like you aren’t doing a good job at the most important role of all—your mothering. So on top of not knowing what to do, shame and guilt are added to the heavy load.
Social media doesn’t help either. It doesn’t take long to scroll past the perfect mom and her adorable kids. Or a “give it up” post like “I haven’t showered in days but hey the kids are alive #I’mAGreatMom.”
It can be such a bummer because you go to social media to feel better but end up either depressed because you’ll never be like that perfect mom. Or side with the give up gang grab a glass of wine and veg out on Netflix.
Don’t get paralyzed in your parenting hiding in silence.
There is another way!
3 Steps To Crush Motherhood Instead of Motherhood Crushing You
1. Own Your Story.
Be vulnerable and real with yourself. Sometimes we have to look reality in the face and be honest with the place we are find ourselves in. It is when we do this that we can create a brave new path. #YourAGreatMom is something we all want to be.
Here you go, Start where you are and answer these questions. No one is looking be honest with yourself.
- What do you think it would look like if you thought you were a great mom?
- What would you do daily?
- What skills would you have to calm the chaos of kids?
- How would it feel?
If you are like most moms I coach you probably don’t like those answers. It is very common and its ok because step 2 and 3 are on the way! You are not alone.
Motherhood was crushing this mom does it sound familiar?
“I don’t feel like I’m a great mom, I yell at my kids all the time. They eat crap. I don’t teach them the Bible. My house isn’t clean, I got laundry piled a mile high. I feel so out of control overwhelmed and frankly embarrassed. I wasn’t like this before kids. It’s like standing at a cliff without a bridge. I love my kids so much and feel like I’m failing them. It makes me sad because I just don’t have any idea how to make it all work.
I’m so frustrated.”
2. Ok, enough of the negative. Now write down things you are good—even great at. I am sure, beyond sure, that you are doing lots of things right. Do a little bragging on yourself.
- What makes you feel like its all worth it?
- What part of mothering brings a smile to your face every time?
- What do you do well?
Well that must feel better right? I want you to realize that in lots of ways your are crushing it at in your motherhood. But there is more. I want you to be able to say…
“I’m a mom giving all she has to my kids. I gave up my body for them to be born through and now I’m giving my body grow them up. I am shaping, molding, and making a new generation. My kids are learning to feel, to know love and learning who they where created to be. I get to be part of that. I get to be the instrument of that.
This is a big deal!”
It’s your family and your responsibility. You can do it. People say it takes a village to raise a child. I totally disagree. It takes a family! It takes a mom and a dad and a family. And You, Lil Mumma are right in the middle of it.
You matter. Your family want’s you not the skinny you, the PTA you. YOU. And while we are on it let’s talk a bit about your body. You know, that thing you stress out about? Let me tell you something. That body grew and bore babies. It fed them, held them and kept them from harm. Yep and that’s a miracle.
That body of yours loves well. It brings pleasure and connection to your man. It brings comfort to your children. That smile of yours can bring call to any storm. You are a safe place for them all a place where love lives in your arms. So, let’s agree you’re pretty darn awesome!
But I digress. Step 3 is where the gold is.
3. Believe in Your ability to figure things out. Decide to make some changes. Learn some new skills. Make a plan. Write a brave new chapter in your story.
I just can’t tell you enough how hard this mothering thing really is. The weight of the responsibility is huge and then not knowing how get it right, or what’s coming next. Yes it can feel like it is crushing you and you just want it to be over.
But, remember you haven’t been this road before. And lots of moms haven’t even seen mothering modeled well. We know society and social media aren’t giving us the real scoop or helpful answers.
Here’s the truth. There just isn’t enough trusted information on motherhood or fatherhood for that matter. No wonder the family is crumbling in our culture.
Here’s a thought. You wouldn’t excel as a let’s say an accountant if you hadn’t learned the skills, right? So why would you think that the work of raising kids and growing a healthy family wouldn’t need to learn some skills, tools and methods?
Only problem is there isn’t a college degree for this. HA. And with the negative focus on motherhood, kids and marriage in our culture it can be hard. You will just have to find the help and knowledge you need on your own. But, you can do it. Because, when it comes to their kids and their marriage moms will dig deep.
I know I had to do it. I have 5 kids and have been married over 40 years. I am here to tell you that this mumma was stressed out and falling apart, but I made it. I found mentors and grew my skills and learn methods. I applied and reapplied tools. And you know what? I became skilled and knowledgable at being an attentive connected wife, an expert curator of our home and yes… I’m crushing it.
I want you to be able to say, “I’m a good mom even a great mom. I have a plan and I know where I’m going. I’ve taken being a wife and mom and being curator of my home to the next level, I’m an expert at what I do. I just don’t stumble and fumble through life. Like this is serious for me, it’s my family. I’ve become skilled and I have a plan. I’m crushing it!”
Crushing it Questions: Answer these to get your plan into action.
- What are some things I need to learn to do better?
- Where or who can I find to teach me?
- What would it look like if I got tools, methods and skills to help me?
- How would it feel to know that I took my mothering to an expert level?
Now put a plan in action. Make the calls. Put it in that planner of yours. Smile cuz you are on your way to a new brave chapter in the story of you.
There is no one like you. There is no one else that can replace you in the life of your kids or you man. Truth— you get to write your story, you get to write the ending.
So with that being said, I want to remind you that if you truly want to be a great mom and crush this thang. You’re going to have to face the reality and own your story right where it is. Embrace and celebrate the the really good things that you already do. And you are going to believe in your ability to figure things out, learn and implement some stuff.
It’s your story and you are going to create a new path that will take you from frustrated and giving up to confident and moving forward with joy.
Don’t let motherhood crush you one more day.
I believe in you.
You can crush it at motherhood.
ONE MORE THING>>>>>>
Let me love on your heart for a sec.
Lil Mumma…Being a mom is a very special thing, a weighty thing. You are right to feel overwhelmed. God has chosen you to be his hands in the raising of the children he sent to you and your man. If it feels to big to handle it’s because it is. You were never suppose to do it on your own. Ask God to help you. To give you wisdom beyond yourself to deal with your family. He is the one that knows all the wonder of a mother and how to make you into a great one.
Mona your mom mentor