Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and countless questions, one of the most common being, “How can I effectively guide my child’s behavior?”
In our search for answers, we often turn to the expertise of seasoned moms, neighbors, or maybe even good ol’ Google.
One of my friends, Ginger Hubbard, joined me on a podcast to dive into her wealth of knowledge. Together, we uncovered practical wisdom to navigate the intricate and complex nature of nurturing obedience in our children.
Here’s the thing: God didn’t lay out exact scenarios of parenting situations and trials we would face in the 21st century with our kids. But he did give us an owner’s manual, the Bible. And just as an instruction manual guides users on operating and maintaining an appliance, God’s Word serves as a guide for parents in raising their families. This is why it is so important to seek God’s wisdom through prayer when facing challenges in parenting.
James 1:5
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
Understanding the Heart of Misbehavior
We all love to talk about how sweet and cute our kids are. And guess what? They truly are. But we also might be missing an important truth here.
Kids are sinners, just like us, in need of a Savior.
So instead of asking, “Why does my child sin?” Instead, I ask myself, when my child sins, “How might I point him to the fact that he is a sinner just like me and needs a Savior? How can I teach him to understand and live in that transformational power of Christ?”
What a shift!
To work on effectively changing the behavior that is coming from your kid, you first have to get to the root cause of the misbehavior. There are many pitfalls of commonly used child training methods today that simply focus on the behavior.
For example, say you’d like to address your child constantly interrupting you when you are talking to other adults. By focusing on the just act of interrupting you might miss the purpose behind your child’s talking out of turn.
What if they are simply seeking attention from you? Why should they have respect when other people are talking?
Ask the question of “why” is my child doing this, and you might just find the answer.
When you successfully get to the heart of the behavior, you can begin to foster a love of virtue, a love for God, rather than just a fear of punishment.
This will create enduring change.
Dealing with Manipulation from Your Kids
Manipulative behaviors in children can be particularly challenging for parents to navigate, as they are often subtle.
There are many forms of manipulative behaviors shown by both younger and older kids, such as crying, whining, tantrums, arguments, blame-shifting, and silent treatments. So, how do we respond to these things?
Say, for example, you tell your kid to clean his room, and he responds with, “You don’t love me!”
The purpose of his response is to evoke an emotional response from you, to get you, as the parent, to respond in the way that he wants… which would be to not make him clean his room. Or to simply get into a power struggle.
So, you could respond by pointing out the facts:
- He is saying “You don’t love me” because he does not want to clean his room.
- Just because you’re making him clean his room does not mean that you don’t love him.
Then, you can focus on obedience.
This approach creates an understanding of the consequences of manipulative behavior and encourages a shift toward godly alternatives, promoting genuine transformation.
Replacing Misbehavior with Right Behavior
When you correct or redirect behavior from your child, make sure you are showing them how to replace the behavior with what they should be doing.
This is where so many parents stopped their training – telling their kids what not to do.
“Don’t do that. Go to your room.”
But by only doing this, you will exasperate your kids because you’re not giving them anywhere to go from there. So, you always want to take it a step further and tell them how to replace what is wrong with what is right and then follow through with having them implement those principles.
For example, you shouldn’t just rebuke and discipline or put a consequence on the child who is speaking disrespectfully.
Show them how to communicate the right and respectful way of God, by having them come back and practice the Biblical alternative by communicating the right way by using the appropriate words and the appropriate tone of voice.
You are not alone, lil’ momma. You have the power to create an environment that not only nurtures obedience but also promotes enduring Godly character in your children.
The fruit will come from your hard work!
You got this.
Hugs,
Mona
