Have you ever heard someone say, “Well, my husband and I never have disagreements…”
HA! You and I both know that this is highly unlikely.
That’s because, throughout the journey of marriage, there’s bound to be bickering, disagreements, and those moments when you just can’t seem to see eye to eye. It’s part of the deal when two unique individuals come together to build a life.
Here’s the thing: fighting is inevitable, but fighting fair is key, especially in a Christian marriage.
Before we get into the details of how to fight fair, you and your spouse must first agree on one thing: the goal. Even in the heat of the moment, it’s essential to keep in mind what you’re aiming for. Whether it’s resolving an issue, reaching a compromise, or simply understanding each other better, having clarity about your end goal can guide the conversation in the right direction.
Communication, my friend, is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Even when emotions are running high, it’s vital to find a way to express yourself effectively.
What to know a little trick I do? When I’m feeling all the emotions, I try to take a moment, breathe deeply, and push through the feelings to allow my frontal lobe, my more rational brain, to take the wheel. This doesn’t mean that my feelings are not valid. It simply means that I need to find a way to balance these strong emotions with rationality and logical thinking.
The reality is that arguing is part of marriage. It’s a necessary evil that comes with sharing your life with another broken human being.
Plus, the real magic happens when you learn to resolve these arguments.
I’m going to say something a bit controversial here… It’s okay to hit the hay with unresolved issues. Yep, you heard me right!
The Bible doesn’t say “Don’t go to bed until you’ve fixed everything”. It says, “Don’t go to bed angry.” So, if you need to pause and revisit the discussion and all the little details in the morning, that’s perfectly fine.
The Art of Fair Fighting
First, know your goal and stay focused on it. No kitchen sink fighting allowed here! Stick to the matter at hand and avoid bringing up past grievances or unrelated issues. If things start spiraling out of control, it’s time for a timeout. Take a breather, go for a walk, or say a prayer to regain composure.
When you’re in the heat of the moment, mirror what your partner is saying. Stop waiting for your turn to speak. Instead, focus on truly understanding where they’re coming from.
Pro tip: use “I” statements to express how you feel without pointing fingers or making accusations. Respect and understanding go a long way in resolving conflicts.
But Mona, what if things start to get ugly? If words are being hurled like daggers or tempers are flaring, it’s time to pump the brakes. Saying “I’m done” or resorting to name-calling only escalates the situation further. Remember, the goal is to resolve the issue, not inflict more hurt.
Fighting fair is about honoring each other and your commitment to love and respect.
It’s about knowing when to push the pause button, when to listen, and when to extend grace.
So, the next time you find yourself in a disagreement, remember these principles. And fight fair, my friend.
After all, a healthy argument can strengthen your marriage AND deepen your understanding of each other.
Hugs,
Mona
