womanhood

Suzanne Venker on the MomsLikeUs Podcast

The 4 LIES Poisoning Women’s Lives — with Suzanne Venker
The 4 LIES Poisoning Women’s Lives — with Suzanne Venker 1920 1080 Chase Jennings

Suzanne Venker and I discuss the 4 major lies that women today are believing that are ground zero for the destruction of their greatest desires.

If you’re a woman that doesn’t resonate with cultures’ narrative about marriage, motherhood and womanhood you are going to be clapping all the way through this episode.

Suzanne not only outlines the 4 lies but also shows us a clear roadmap to detoxing from them.

Suzanne a best-selling author of 5 books. Her work can be found in Time Magazine, USA Today, Washington Examiner, Fox News and many more.

Here’s a peek at what to expect in this episode:

  • The four lies of marriage, motherhood and womanhood
  • A roadmap to detox those narratives

Guest Links:

Related Links:

How to Get Vision When Your Life is in Ruins
How to Get Vision When Your Life is in Ruins 1919 2560 Mona Corwin

On Mornings with Mona we’ve been talking about vision and dreams for your life for the last few weeks. Getting a vision for what our momlife could be has been fun.

BUT— sometimes it’s hard to dream and have vision cuz everything seems like it’s in ruins. You might feel like you can’t dream anymore.

I get it. 

Despite what you see on Instagram EVERYBODY feels like that sometimes. Everyone battles fear and disappointment in their man, their kids or even themselves.

I’m not here to tell you that your feeling of defeat or your ruins aren’t real, cuz they just might be. You might think that as a Mom Mentor I’d be all like… try harder or fake it till you make it.

Nope. That might work for an hour but won’t give you hope or results.

What I am going to do is point you to a man in the Bible that had a burden for his ruins. He took a good look at it and got a plan. Then went to work to rebuild it. Brick by brick; stone by stone.

And friend when he was done his people had a firm foundation and a promise for a good future. This story offers us great hope.

Nehemiah is this man.

We find this Old Testament guy deep in sorrow and depression as he considered the ruins of his beloved city and it’s people.

It was in shambles. The people were vulnerable to the enemies around them. They were not safe or secure with the way things were. They had no vision and seemingly no one to help them.

But God saw them and heard the prayers of Nehemiah.

God sent Nehemiah with a vision and a plan to repair the walls and the gates. And those people did it in 52 days. It was hard and there was a lot of opposition. Read the story it’s inspiring. (Nehemiah 1-13 better than a Netflix movie)

If God can repair the walls and gates of that Old Testament city, surely He can do it for your family, marriage and home.

1.Be honest with yourself.

Look your life straight on and be real. There comes a time when we all have to look into the mirror of meaning. What’s your marriage really look like? Your kids? Your home? Yourself? Make a list. Go ahead pour it out. You can’t build what you don’t recognize as broke.

2. Have an ugly cry.

I know I just told you to wallow a little. I did say a little though. But honestly if you don’t look at the ruins and be sad over it you might settle back in to thinking life is just going to be this way forever.

3. Now wipe your tears. Grab a cup of Joe.

Grab that list. Take that massive emotional mess on paper and put it aside for a sec. Now close your eyes and pray. Tell God you want a new vision and a better plan. One HE designs.

Open your eyes and get a new piece of paper. Now make a new list. What life would be like if things were different? And no you can’t run off to the Caribbean alone. HA. I’ve wanted to too, but trust me it does not work.

Look at the ruins list. (Be careful you don’t focus on that ruins list. Remember you already had your cry for today.)

Imagine what each one of those things would look like if they were rebuilt. Go ahead be extravagant with yourself. Write a new dream for every thing on the “ruins list”. Note: You can add to or remove any part of this new list in the days to come. For now just – go for it – dream super big.

Congrats! Do a party dance. You, Lil Mumma have just cast vision for your ruins.

3. Take control of what happens next. Yep you.

Not your man. Not your kids. YOU. Reverse engineer how to get from ruins to rebuilt. Focus on YOUR part. Look at each dream and ask yourself what would be the first step that would to move you from where you are to where you dream to be? (If you need help find a mentor to bounce things around with.)

4. Take Massive Action.

Again. You. Yep, You. Put those steps in your planner. And keep the promise to yourself that you WILL do them. You keep your promises to your kids, the teachers and even the dentist for heaven’s sake. Keep your promises to precious you. Put a timer in your phone if you have to but- just do it.

GET A BIG SMILE ON GIRL. You can do this. Be confident that God will be with you like He was with Nehemiah. Need more confidence? Schedule a Mom Mentoring Session with me and let’s see if we can jump-start your rebuilding.

Oh, and here’s your song for the week. Music always helps. This song about confidence that still inspires me.

What’s the wall or gate that you need to rebuild? Or what’s standing in your way? Comment below

Don’t miss “Mornings With Mona Live” Every weekday. Here’s the one where I talk about vision.

Join our Mom Mentoring Community. Don’t do this MomLife alone.

And you’ll always find me up to something on Instagram.

 

5 Essentials You Need to Know to Raise Secure Kids
5 Essentials You Need to Know to Raise Secure Kids 150 150 Mona Corwin

Ever look at your kids and wonder how the same kids living in the same house could be so different?

I mean one kid will crumble under a serious correcting glance and the other one has you feeling like CPS might be coming soon. One might color all day and the other doesn’t want to do anything but talk.

Of course the answers isn’t difficult. They are all different because they were created different.

We all want our children to be secure in their abilities. But the more important goal is for them to find security in the Gift Giver himself- God.

I have 5 kids and none are the same. They don’t even dress the same except when they had to wear uniforms at school.

Consequently not every method or activity will work for every one of your kids. But not to worry. God gave you mumma eyes and you will be able to see and direct them.  In my “Design Your UnRivaled MomLife” the women are discovering their identity, callings and unique abilities. And as moms you can help your children find theirs too.

Helping them discover their identity and unique abilities is part of what mothering is all about. And you have a front row seat for the action.

I’ve been front row watching for years and my best piece of advice…

Don’t miss the greatest treasure about their gifts and talents which is this – they come special to them from God.

We all want our children to be secure in their abilities. But the more important goal is for them to find security in the Gift Giver himself- God.
Here are 5 points to grow secure kids:

#1. Point them to the gift giver – God.

Show them from Gensis that they were created in God’s image and have value because of His love and not in their performance.

#2.  They have a part to play.

Not only did God create them in his image He also created them uniquely for the timeslot they live in.

#3. Gifts and Talents make life fun and fulfilling.

You want them to enjoy their gifts and talents but to also understand that they were given to bless others too. It is through these special traits that God’s character and love shows up.

#4. It takes time.

They don’t have to be the best or perfect at a gift or talent for it to be fun. Just grow and learn and that you will be there to help.

#5. Security only comes from God.

Being good at something can give you confidence and that’s a good thing. But if your security and purpose is found in your gifts and talents you will never fully enjoy them. Knowing that God gives gifts and talents with a path and a plan in mind keeps us looking to Him for direction and success.

Life can be confusing as you are growing and that’s why God gave kids parents. Parents are the ones that help and direct. How wonderful to know that someone is watching over you and will help you find the way. And pointing them to the Gift Giver is the best way to raise kids that not only find security in God but also find refuge, grace and love too.

What special things do you see in each of your children? Make a list and start asking God to help you find their gifts and talents.

Share this with another mom you love.

Kristen Clark

Hollywood’s Best Kept Secret About Your Womanhood (Kristen Clark)
Hollywood’s Best Kept Secret About Your Womanhood (Kristen Clark) 2048 1472 Mona Corwin

{I am so excited to share this guest post with you. I met these two a few years ago and I have adored them ever since. Their style and approach to Biblical womanhood is bold and beautiful. And I was thrilled to hold their new book on it in my hands. Just check out this post and then go grab you a copy of Girl Defined by Kristen Clark & Bethany Baird. Your gonna love this! oh and leave a comment below and you might win a free copy!}

 

She starred in thirty major films and was awarded the Golden Globe for “Female World Film Favorite.” She started her own production company and was voted “2nd Greatest Movie Star” of all time by Premiere Magazine. She was chosen by Empire Magazine as one of the “100 Sexiest Stars in Film History.”

This blonde bombshell was beautiful, talented, successful, and seemed to have everything a woman could dream of, except for one thing – happiness.

Sadly, this famous superstar committed suicide on August 5, 1962. She was only 36 years old. Her makeup covered face, dyed blonde hair, and sparkling clothes only hid what she was feeling on the inside.

Depressed. Unloved. Alone.

This is the true story of America’s most iconic woman, Marilyn Monroe.

As I’ve studied the life of this beautiful and famous woman, I can’t help but ask the questions, “Why would a woman who had everything still commit suicide?” “Why wasn’t the fame, beauty, money, and guys enough to satisfy her?”

Sadly, not many people stop to ask these tough questions about Marilyn’s tragic life. Instead of questioning her fruitless quest for happiness, many of us follow right in her footsteps.

My sister, Bethany, and I wrote a more detailed version of Marilyn’s story in the opening chapters of our new book, Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity.

Like Marilyn, millions of modern women are chasing after happiness and satisfaction down the same dead end road. Without even realizing it, many of us have bought into Hollywood’s popular lies about beauty, femininity, and identity.

In chapter three of our new book, Girl Defined, we refer to these crafty lies as “counterfeit femininity.” As Christian women, many of us buy into the lies that to be worth anything we need to be pretty, sexy, smart, athletic, skinny, wealthy, popular, etc.

We believe the lie that our worth as a female is based on our beauty and on our personal accomplishments.

Believing that lie is right where Marilyn went wrong, and it’s right where many of us go wrong as well.

“The moment we allow culture to define our womanhood is the moment we take our first wrong turn.” –Girl Defined

Whether you’re the “hottest blonde bombshell” on the planet or not, if we define our womanhood on anything other than God’s timeless Word, we will always feel empty inside. We will forever struggle with feelings of worthlessness and depression until we turn to the only One who has the power to fill our void.

True worth, identity and satisfaction cannot be found outside of God’s beautiful design for us as females. And that’s where the BEST news comes into play: Our status of worthiness has nothing to do with us and everything to do with God.

No matter how famous and pretty a woman is, or how poor and unattractive she is, her worth and value are found in the same place.

Our worth doesn’t come from anything we can do, but from everything Christ already did for us. If you’re a Christian, God calls you a child of God. And because you’re a child of God, He looks at you and sees royalty. You are a daughter of the most high King.

Psalm 139:13­-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Not only are you a daughter of the King, God was knitting you together in your mother’s womb to look just the way you are. Just like an artist creating a masterpiece, God handcrafted your hair color, eye color, skin tone, height, nose shape, ears, and body to look just the way He wanted it to.

Our culture may not consider you to be very special, but God does. And He’s the only One who owns the rights to say how worthy you are.

If Marilyn Monroe had understood these truths, her life probably would have ended very differently. The secret to true happiness in this world is to keep your eyes and heart on THE Truth. The minute you look to someone or something other than Christ to define your worth and identity, you will go downhill. It’s a guarantee.

As Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

The more I have come to understand and embrace God’s design for my life, the happier and more fulfilled I have become. I challenge you to take the time to learn more about God’s beautiful design for womanhood! I hope you’ll grab a copy of Girl Defined and continuing discovering God’s amazing and beautiful design for your life as a female.

If you’ve ever struggled with feelings of worthlessness, discontentment with your body, lack of fulfillment, relationship problems, or confusion about your identity – this book is for you.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic as well as any additional insights you have. Please share whatever is on your heart and mind in the comment section below.

  • Who or what are you allowing to define your worth and value?
  • Do you truly view yourself as a daughter of the King? Why or why not?

PS I would love to give you a FREE copy of my new book! Just comment below to be automatically entered into the book giveaway contest.

Written by: Kristen Clark

stay at home moms

Stay at home moms redefine what it means to be successful as a woman
Stay at home moms redefine what it means to be successful as a woman 500 346 Mona Corwin

International Women’s Day was March 8th. There was much discussion about women, rights, and advancement. However, it seemed there was a section of womanhood left out of the celebration and I wondered “why?”

It’s the best time ever to be a woman. There are no boundaries for taking those God given gifts and talents and developing them into the highest level of excellence.

And although there are places in the world where women are suppressed, here in America women are flourishing. Professional careers are possible and with so many delaying marriage and children, there is plenty of time to climb in the ranks of their field.

Yet, there is a trend that was missing from the rhetoric on March 8th. With all the talk about women advancing in any area of life they might choose, it was interesting that one group was not being encouraged to “advance.”

The trend I’m talking about is women from beauticians to corporate executives, that are going home to raise their children and grow their families.

Who are these women?

Many are career professionals; focused, educated and successful and some are hourly workers tired of pushing someones else’s paper around. They have had enough of the rat race. Enough of dropping their children off into someone else’s care to then pick them up, exhausted after a full day’s work, only to eat fast food, administer baths and stories, and put everybody to bed. All to start it again.

This chaos has resulted in women saying, “Enough!” They have picked up their kids, taken their MBA’s and left the building. They’re choosing to leave the workplace and be moms at home.

Perhaps it’s just what happens when the happily ever after career woman falls in love with motherhood and family.

Forfeiting a salary for a family just makes sense to them. And so they are choosing quality of home life over quantity of bank accounts.

Familiar with setting goals and achieving, they have taken their new position by the reins with the desire to be experts at this mom at home thing. Highly motivated, these women quickly learn the art of making one-dollar stretch to ten, produce spread sheet savvy budgets, cook Paleo and Vegan and set about to grow little people into wonderful adults.

If their children are in school it is common to see them earning money from various endeavors. Determined to keep family the focus they are driving yet another trend, that of the entrepreneur… or mom-preneurs as they lovingly call themselves.

In the era of the Internet, it has never been easier to make money from home. And moms at home are benefiting. From online businesses to selling products and services directly to their community, these moms are connecting and developing networks that offer support and encouragement. In the true sense of community moms are reshaping their worlds.

Help Wanted

You would suppose all would be well. Yet with all their good intent many have found the reshaping and redefining of happily-ever-after a bit like juggling jello.

The art of mothering and family and home doesn’t come with a measuring stick or office manual. And runny noses, though abundant, are not quarterly reports.

So, with the measuring stick of culture removed a girl can wonder:

  • Am I doing this right? Ugh. Goggle never had kids. Where can I get good advice I can trust?
  • Am I significant? Cuz I feel invisible and maybe someone else really would do a better job raising my kids than me.
  • I’m lonely. Is anybody else doing this?
  • And why is there the sticky green stuff in my hair again? Sexy? What’s that?

Rewriting your happily-ever-after in a culture that considers your mom-at- home choice a horror flick can leave you questioning those choices. Let’s face it; sometimes it is hard to find good examples, information and mentors. Women who can help you get a clear picture of what motherhood, home, and family should look like.

This could be one of the reasons the lost art of Mentoring is making a big comeback. More younger women are seeking older women to come along side and tell them that everything is going to be all right.

The challenge is that it’s hard to find real flesh and blood women who are willing to mentor and even fewer that have blazed the trail of mom-at-home. It’s easier to find a female CEO.

I was where you are

I get it. I was just like you, trying to figure it out all those years ago. Trying everything and messing up. I thought I was an awful mom and a nagging wife. The world told me what I did was insignificant and could be duplicated at any day care or fast food chain.

My man and I had long before decided that our greatest adventure wasn’t going to be growing wealth or writing books. Our greatest adventure was to grow a family. I knew we were creating something special but sometimes I feared that our adventure wouldn’t end in happily-ever-after. But maybe it’d end in disaster.

We went against the culture anyway. It was lonely for me as a mom-at-home. And at times I wondered if giving up a career path was worth it. But then I’d see my little ones singing and laughing or fighting and screaming (let’s be honest here) and I knew growing a family was more valuable than growing a portfolio.

I needed help!

I just wanted someone to encourage me and not shame me. Someone to point me to practical solutions while helping me heal my spiritual dryness. I kept looking and I kept asking. I vowed then that if given a chance I would help other moms-at-home. The good news is that I finally found several someones along the way that pointed and guided me through my happily-ever-after story.

Any Regrets?

With only one of our 5 children left at home, I’m on the other side of those diapers and diplomas. Regrets? Nope not a one! And YES it was all worth it.

We really did get to grow our family. It isn’t perfect and sometimes it wasn’t pretty. But it’s full of love, loyalty and laughter. And, even when we are apart our hearts are weaved together in a way that is more present than if we were all in one room at the same time.

Today it’s not unusual for my husband or I to say to the other one, “We have the coolest kids on the planet.” (Yes, this is a mom moment. Don’t judge, I earned it. Ha.) But honestly we really do. They are all out impacting the world and creating a sense of family everywhere they go- with our oldest continuing the legacy of family with his very own one. Our hearts are full.

There is no story plot I’d rather live. For there is nothing more valuable than raising children created in the image of God to love Him and others as family.

And just in case your thinking me and my man are in the final scene of our story. Think again. There is no “the end” or “you’re fired” in this story. You won’t find us walking off into the sunset. That’s the beauty of family. It is an ever flowing, unfolding story of happily-ever-after.

Sweet friend, I’ve been where you are and in some cases I’m still doing what you’re doing. I created MonaCowin.org with you in mind. My desire is to be as close to flesh and blood real as I can: A virtual mentor if you will.

Want to learn more about Moms@Home?

  • You can subscribe to MonaCorwin.org and find me in your inbox with encouragement, Blog updates and practical solutions for your mothering, marriage and home. And be the first to listen to the upcoming podcast we’re developing. We’ll let ya know. (The sign up box is in the sidebar to your right)

So, hop over to Facebook , Twitter  or Instagram and join the conversation.

MonaCorwin.org… Mentoring you in the art of motherhood, marriage and creating homes where lives flourish…including your own.

Fifty Shades of Gray

“Fifty Shades of Gray” Q & A
“Fifty Shades of Gray” Q & A 2048 2048 Mona Corwin

This isn’t the post I want to write for Valentine’s. I wanted to write something peppy and Pinterest-like. But, I must be true to my promise to be genuine with you.

First, let me say that it’s my honor and greatest joy to serve you with information and encouragement in your womanhood. I hold the relationship of mentor and friend tenderly in my heart.

With that said, let me start…

I long to see women living in the fullness of their design and that includes sex.

In recent decades, the line between black and white regarding sex has blurred to gray. So it was no surprise that a book like Fifty Shades of Gray was written.

What did surprise me was that 100 million women have read the book. What saddened my heart was many of them were Christian women. What shocked me was that the movie would be released on Valentine’s Day. A day meant for love and commitment was the day when potentially millions of women would be seeing exactly the opposite.

“There is an attack on what true love feels like to a woman and
what true love looks like in a relationship.”

Mona Corwin

It was then that I realized if I was going to be true to my promise to talk about the hard stuff, I would have to write a post I had been putting off.

As a spiritual mentor, I’ve received many questions regarding this book/movie and others like it. Wanting to be helpful to those I mentor, I studied erotica, intimacy and the effects of it all on spirituality and marriage.

Will you take a moment to read a few questions I have received along with answers I have given? As you do, will you hear the answers given in my most tender voice – not one of judgment, but one of sisterhood that would never want you hurt or deceived.

 

Question: “I have longings that my husband isn’t meeting. Isn’t it ok to read books like Fifty Shades of Gray?”

Answer: While sex is gratifying to you as an individual, it is ultimately designed as a covenant between two people. God created sex to be enjoyed within a covenant called marriage. Anything outside of that will never satisfy. It is the only place where the wonder, adventure and fun of sex in covenant can be fully experienced.

  • Even research agrees. The National Survey on Christian Female Sexuality highlights that married Christian women have the most fun and most sex of all women in the study.[1] Yet there are still women all over the country, including Christian women, who are lonely and desperate for intimacy.
  • The temptation to fulfill their longing is everywhere. Then, along comes something erotic wrapped in romance and they believe the lie that it is ok and they begin to indulge in it. While it’s true that the longings will be satisfied in the moment, it is also tragically true that the indulgence is at great expense. The temporary indulgence will actually move them further away from the intimacy they long for.

“The truth is, erotica erodes intimacy each time making it even
harder to fulfill the longing of a woman’s heart.”

Mona Corwin

Question: “It’s not like I’m having an affair, it’s just fantasy, so why not?”

Answer:

  • Bringing another person into your sexual life, even through fantasy, is a violation of the design and covenant. It is very difficult to be in a fantasy and reality at the same time. One interrupts the other. And the one that can be manipulated by your mind to please you will win. Aka: the fantasy. Again, fantasy erodes the intimacy between a man and a woman with other people in your thoughts or in the room. Erotica erodes the connection between you and your mate.
  • Erotica shifts the focus from us to me. It makes sexual satisfaction solely about self-satisfying and not the God-kind of intimacy.
  • God’s design: a relationship where each person is able to share themselves and their feelings with vulnerability and love. A self-giving, life-long friendship where in safety you can know and be known and be real. Real is always better than fantasy. Books like Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas, suggest that sex is actually giving, not getting.

“Authentic sexuality is highly fulfilling.
Expressed in covenant love, it moves us to share
our lives, bodies and our very essence with our mates.”

Mona Corwin 

Question: “I’m not hurting anyone and it spices up our sex life. I’m married, so that’s ok, right?”

Answer:

  • While it’s true that hormones and chemicals might temporarily fire things up, that blaze isn’t going to stay burning without adding more wood to the fire. Science shows that the ability to fire it up the next time will require more and different erotica. This means one book or one movie will never be enough.
  • We are familiar with the thought that pornography for men is very visual. However, for women, it is highly relational.
  • Science shows that it starts as harmless romantic stories or soap operas to online erotica and eventually to porn. Don’t be fooled. It happens to women every day, whether they are married or single.

Question: “I’m single and I have desires. So that’s ok, right?”

 Answer:

  • Yes, your desires are real and yes you need to address them in the light – not in the dark or in any shade of gray. Some things really are black and white. Thinking you’re saving yourself for marriage and using erotica as an outlet? You’re deceived. The stakes are too high for you as a woman and for your husband if you marry.
  • Do not be condemned by your own sexual sensations. Learn how to deal with them in a godly way. Honest community and resources that answer your questions from the Bible are good places to find answers to hard questions. I recommend a few of the best books and websites at the end of this article.
  • Erotica and romance will draw you out and connect you in a way that can easily step over the line of romance to pornography. This will create unrealistic and harmful expectations for men.
  • Fantasy and erotica can become your “mate,” and worse, can become your “god.”
  • Women of all seasons are turning to pornography of different kinds to meet their desires.[2] Sadly, the fastest growing users of online pornography are teenage girls.[3]

Good News

Yet, there is some good news this Valentine’s Day. God isn’t about the big NO for everything regarding sex. He’s all about the sex. He created it to be adventurous, fun and bonding. As women, perhaps it’s time we looked at the original intent of sex and start enjoying all of it. Frankly, I’m glad Christian women are asking questions and getting real answers. Here’s to Valentine’s Day and putting true romance back into the bedroom. Be a friend and Share this post today!

This post will most likely generate questions some about this topic or another one. If you have questions or want to encourage women on this topic, join the conversation on Facebook or email me confidentially. Join the community and conversation of women who are helping restore the value of womanhood, marriage and children.

Here are some other excellent books, YouTube videos and websites.

  • “Pulling back the Shades” by Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery
  • “The Passion Pursuit” by Linda Dillow and Dr. Juli Slattery (10-week video course for women)
  • “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas
  • “Intimate Issues: Twenty-one Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex” by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus
  • “Is ‘Fifty Shade’ series harmful to your marriage?” The spiritual reason.
  • “What are you waiting for? The One Thing No One Ever Tells You about Sex” by Dannah Gresh
  • “And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh. (10-week study for teens)
  • Authentic Intimacy – Best site for hard answers
  • Dirty Girls Ministries – An online accountability community for women overcoming sexual addiction, especially porn or erotica.
  • X3pure – An online thirty-day recovery program featuring confidential, streaming video workshops.

[1] The study, titled “The National Survey on Christian Female Sexuality,” was conducted by Debra Taylor, M.A., MFT, Archibald Hart, Ph.D, and Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D. An AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Ventura, Calif.

[2] Pornography Addiction a Growing Problem Among Women

[3] Teens and Porn: 10 Stats You Need to Know

Watch video: Is ‘Fifty Shades’ series harmful to your marriage?

Fighting mom guilt

Tossing the Mom Guilt of “Me Time”
Tossing the Mom Guilt of “Me Time” 200 300 Mona Corwin

“Ugh, I never do anything for myself?”

Ever hear yourself saying this? I admit I have heard those words coming out of my mouth more times than I’d like.

Sometimes as women we can think it is wrong to do something for ourselves. In fact, we can think we have to be falling apart for it to be even a little bit ok. We feel like it is selfish or self-serving. And when we finally do take the time, the guilt alone is enough to keeps us from fully enjoying the thing.

Can I get a witness?

Girlfriend, we got to get a grip on this “taking care of ourselves” guilt. Our families, marriages and self-talk are suffering.

Mom guilt is brutal.

The phrase self-serving has a negative meaning in our church cultures. God did not create us to be selfish. That’s true. However, He didn’t create us to be self-defeating either.

So what’s the answer?

Using phrases like: “If Mumma ain’t happy, nobodies happy” and “I’m gonna lose it if…” don’t work. They just sound like threats and no one benefits from throwing fear around.

What we need is to define our soul needs and give ourselves permission to take care of them.

Defining Words

Soul- Your soul is the unique part of you that makes you-You. It’s your mind, your will and your emotions. Your personality likes and dislikes. Another way to put it is: your thinker, your chooser and your feeler.

Serving– Webster’s Dictionary defines serving as: Providing for needs or to meet the requirements of something or someone.

What’s that look like?

The picture of serving is one of giving.

Now, Jesus was the most giving, selfless person ever. And no one would call Jesus selfish.

Yet. He could be found walking away from a crowd to get alone. To pray, seek God’s will or just sleep. Giving His soul these things provided Jesus with the peace and strength He needed for the raging storms that came His way.

When caught in a storm, would Jesus have responded to the disciples like this?

“Ugh, It’s not my fault it’s storming, quit your whining”. Nope. He did not.

He didn’t fake peace by singing “It is well with my soul” either. It really was well with His soul. Why? Because His soul was well, not stress and frazzled. Jesus didn’t feel guilty taking time to rest and renew his soul and neither should you.

Permission To Serve your Soul

So, stop the guilt trips on yourself and everyone else. Permission has been granted.

I know you out there. Some of you are still thinking its not going to be “ok” to take time for your soul.

You take care of your body by eating, right?

It is admirable to go to church to nourish your spirit.

Likewise we need to tend to our souls.

Taking care of your soul actually helps us serve others better. Friend, you just can’t speak life and peace from a soul that is tired and frantic. For out of the heart the mouth speaks. We cannot give what we do not have.

Ways to Serve Your Soul

Serving your soul doesn’t involve rebellious actions or demands. It isn’t stomping off and planting your face in Twitter for hours either.

Only you can know what will serve your soul well. Take time alone with God to address your needs and desires. Then get with the people who can help make those things happen and share what’s in your heart.

Soul Serving Examples

-Famous artist Georgia O’ Keefe tended to her emotions by creating art.

“I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn’t say any other way, things I had no words for.”

-Expand your mind by studying a topic that interests you.

-Listen to some good music. It doesn’t have to be a hymn.

-Go outside and just sit. Be fully present in the moment.

-Get alone and write a list of things your thankful for.

Whatever the answer, do it. Toss the guilt. You can have a happy soul today.

 

What are some of the ways you’d serve your soul if you had permission to do it? Got a friend that needs a little soul serving? Share this post with them.

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Mona Corwin, Creator of the MomsLikeUs Academy, Podcast and Community