mentoring

5 Essentials You Need to Know to Raise Secure Kids
5 Essentials You Need to Know to Raise Secure Kids 150 150 Mona Corwin

Ever look at your kids and wonder how the same kids living in the same house could be so different?

I mean one kid will crumble under a serious correcting glance and the other one has you feeling like CPS might be coming soon. One might color all day and the other doesn’t want to do anything but talk.

Of course the answers isn’t difficult. They are all different because they were created different.

We all want our children to be secure in their abilities. But the more important goal is for them to find security in the Gift Giver himself- God.

I have 5 kids and none are the same. They don’t even dress the same except when they had to wear uniforms at school.

Consequently not every method or activity will work for every one of your kids. But not to worry. God gave you mumma eyes and you will be able to see and direct them.  In my “Design Your UnRivaled MomLife” the women are discovering their identity, callings and unique abilities. And as moms you can help your children find theirs too.

Helping them discover their identity and unique abilities is part of what mothering is all about. And you have a front row seat for the action.

I’ve been front row watching for years and my best piece of advice…

Don’t miss the greatest treasure about their gifts and talents which is this – they come special to them from God.

We all want our children to be secure in their abilities. But the more important goal is for them to find security in the Gift Giver himself- God.
Here are 5 points to grow secure kids:

#1. Point them to the gift giver – God.

Show them from Gensis that they were created in God’s image and have value because of His love and not in their performance.

#2.  They have a part to play.

Not only did God create them in his image He also created them uniquely for the timeslot they live in.

#3. Gifts and Talents make life fun and fulfilling.

You want them to enjoy their gifts and talents but to also understand that they were given to bless others too. It is through these special traits that God’s character and love shows up.

#4. It takes time.

They don’t have to be the best or perfect at a gift or talent for it to be fun. Just grow and learn and that you will be there to help.

#5. Security only comes from God.

Being good at something can give you confidence and that’s a good thing. But if your security and purpose is found in your gifts and talents you will never fully enjoy them. Knowing that God gives gifts and talents with a path and a plan in mind keeps us looking to Him for direction and success.

Life can be confusing as you are growing and that’s why God gave kids parents. Parents are the ones that help and direct. How wonderful to know that someone is watching over you and will help you find the way. And pointing them to the Gift Giver is the best way to raise kids that not only find security in God but also find refuge, grace and love too.

What special things do you see in each of your children? Make a list and start asking God to help you find their gifts and talents.

Share this with another mom you love.

5 Questions That Will Make Your New Years Resolutions Work
5 Questions That Will Make Your New Years Resolutions Work 626 417 Mona Corwin

Interesting how I keep seeing quotes that tell us NOT to look into the past because that’s not where you’re going. As if the past is some sort of kryptonite to a good future. As if setting resolutions in the future is the first thing we should do at the beginning of a new year.

I totally disagree!

God is writing your story through every minute of your life. In every chapter of your life He’s there. Here’s proof from God’s word.

  • Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you.”
  • Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.”
  • Romans 8:28 “All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose.”

Don’t you want to find that stuff?

I believe that looking at your past can actually help you:

  • Celebrate your wins… you worked hard, do a happy dance.
  • Get clarity of what worked and what didn’t.
  • Disaster control for the future so you don’t make the same mistakes
  • Reset your future mindset and reframe your past.

In my live online mentoring course “Design Your UnRivaled MomLife” we take on 2017 in a 6-week course that’s intentional and strategic. Finding dreams and designing them while driving carpool and changing diapers. I love planning and looking into the future but as a good life coach I know it’s essential to look at the past.

Most of us don’t want to look last year in the face because we think we will get down and feel like a failure. This is a lie. Don’t be afraid to poke around in your unfinished goals or bad habits. Fear will distract you from celebrating your successes. And you’ll miss discovering God’s handiwork and faithfulness and answered prayer in your life.

Toss the fear and find the gems from 2016. It will be worth it promise. Take my advice before you start your 2017 resolutions checklist. Grab some time, crack open a journal and dig into the following questions. You’re gonna be glad you did.

#1 What blessings came your way in 2016? In our “never enough” culture we can have the tendency to only see where we lack. What if you saw the blessings you have today because 2016 came? What would those blessings be? List them.

#2 What success did you achieve? Be careful here. You may only think grand things count. Not so. Awards, money or diplomas don’t measure success. Success is measured by challenges lived and progress made. No matter how small it is vital that you see yourself as an achiever and woman who moves forward. Write down them all. Go ahead make a long list. Even the small stuff like did 1,000 loads of laundry in 2016. (Trust me that is an accomplishment.)

#3 What struggles have you come through? What did you learn? You may want to look away from 2016 at this point but don’t. There is power that comes in every struggle so find it. Truth is no matter what Facebook looks like we all go through struggles every year, its just part of life. But it’s time wasted if we don’t grab the good from them and grow our faith through them.

#4 What disappointments do you need to acknowledge? Life isn’t perfect and neither are people. You can fail at things and relationships can fail you. It’s important to look at those things square in the eye and forgive.

It’s a practice we must get good at. Looking at past disappointments and hurts is essential as you move forward in your life. It allows you to trust and have hope in opening up yourself to new things and new relationships. Unforgiveness can be a dark cloud that keeps you from seeing the goodness of God in Your past year. Forgive others and yourself today. And if it’s hard to do, get with someone to help you through the process. It’s worth it-promise.

Reframe what’s left. Reframing means to see it as a different picture. See situations with eyes of forgiveness, thankfulness and let the rest go. This can be a challenge and if it’s hard get someone to help you through this important process. Don’t bring this stuff into your future.

#5 What things have you learned this year and what ways have you grown? Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you stop learning or growing. No one knows it all or has it all together. No one! Make a list of things you learned this year. Even if some of it was the hard way. It’s a great feeling to know that you have grown as a woman, wife, mother, friend and child of God.

Now that you’ve given 2016 a good look and a shake down by weeding out the bad and gathering the good you’re ready to move into a new year with a thankful heart, forgiveness of self and others firmly in place. You now have a clarity of your successes and lessons learned to begin writing the next chapter of your amazing story.

Celebrate! Do a happy dance. Thank 2016 and God for it’s presences in your story. You made it! Chapter 2016 of your life is closing and 2017 is full of promise. And if you’re ready to live 2017 to the fullest sign up for my Live online mentoring  course “Design Your UnRivaled MomLife” today. Spots are limited so hurry! See you online.

Kristen Clark

Hollywood’s Best Kept Secret About Your Womanhood (Kristen Clark)
Hollywood’s Best Kept Secret About Your Womanhood (Kristen Clark) 2048 1472 Mona Corwin

{I am so excited to share this guest post with you. I met these two a few years ago and I have adored them ever since. Their style and approach to Biblical womanhood is bold and beautiful. And I was thrilled to hold their new book on it in my hands. Just check out this post and then go grab you a copy of Girl Defined by Kristen Clark & Bethany Baird. Your gonna love this! oh and leave a comment below and you might win a free copy!}

 

She starred in thirty major films and was awarded the Golden Globe for “Female World Film Favorite.” She started her own production company and was voted “2nd Greatest Movie Star” of all time by Premiere Magazine. She was chosen by Empire Magazine as one of the “100 Sexiest Stars in Film History.”

This blonde bombshell was beautiful, talented, successful, and seemed to have everything a woman could dream of, except for one thing – happiness.

Sadly, this famous superstar committed suicide on August 5, 1962. She was only 36 years old. Her makeup covered face, dyed blonde hair, and sparkling clothes only hid what she was feeling on the inside.

Depressed. Unloved. Alone.

This is the true story of America’s most iconic woman, Marilyn Monroe.

As I’ve studied the life of this beautiful and famous woman, I can’t help but ask the questions, “Why would a woman who had everything still commit suicide?” “Why wasn’t the fame, beauty, money, and guys enough to satisfy her?”

Sadly, not many people stop to ask these tough questions about Marilyn’s tragic life. Instead of questioning her fruitless quest for happiness, many of us follow right in her footsteps.

My sister, Bethany, and I wrote a more detailed version of Marilyn’s story in the opening chapters of our new book, Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity.

Like Marilyn, millions of modern women are chasing after happiness and satisfaction down the same dead end road. Without even realizing it, many of us have bought into Hollywood’s popular lies about beauty, femininity, and identity.

In chapter three of our new book, Girl Defined, we refer to these crafty lies as “counterfeit femininity.” As Christian women, many of us buy into the lies that to be worth anything we need to be pretty, sexy, smart, athletic, skinny, wealthy, popular, etc.

We believe the lie that our worth as a female is based on our beauty and on our personal accomplishments.

Believing that lie is right where Marilyn went wrong, and it’s right where many of us go wrong as well.

“The moment we allow culture to define our womanhood is the moment we take our first wrong turn.” –Girl Defined

Whether you’re the “hottest blonde bombshell” on the planet or not, if we define our womanhood on anything other than God’s timeless Word, we will always feel empty inside. We will forever struggle with feelings of worthlessness and depression until we turn to the only One who has the power to fill our void.

True worth, identity and satisfaction cannot be found outside of God’s beautiful design for us as females. And that’s where the BEST news comes into play: Our status of worthiness has nothing to do with us and everything to do with God.

No matter how famous and pretty a woman is, or how poor and unattractive she is, her worth and value are found in the same place.

Our worth doesn’t come from anything we can do, but from everything Christ already did for us. If you’re a Christian, God calls you a child of God. And because you’re a child of God, He looks at you and sees royalty. You are a daughter of the most high King.

Psalm 139:13­-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Not only are you a daughter of the King, God was knitting you together in your mother’s womb to look just the way you are. Just like an artist creating a masterpiece, God handcrafted your hair color, eye color, skin tone, height, nose shape, ears, and body to look just the way He wanted it to.

Our culture may not consider you to be very special, but God does. And He’s the only One who owns the rights to say how worthy you are.

If Marilyn Monroe had understood these truths, her life probably would have ended very differently. The secret to true happiness in this world is to keep your eyes and heart on THE Truth. The minute you look to someone or something other than Christ to define your worth and identity, you will go downhill. It’s a guarantee.

As Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

The more I have come to understand and embrace God’s design for my life, the happier and more fulfilled I have become. I challenge you to take the time to learn more about God’s beautiful design for womanhood! I hope you’ll grab a copy of Girl Defined and continuing discovering God’s amazing and beautiful design for your life as a female.

If you’ve ever struggled with feelings of worthlessness, discontentment with your body, lack of fulfillment, relationship problems, or confusion about your identity – this book is for you.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic as well as any additional insights you have. Please share whatever is on your heart and mind in the comment section below.

  • Who or what are you allowing to define your worth and value?
  • Do you truly view yourself as a daughter of the King? Why or why not?

PS I would love to give you a FREE copy of my new book! Just comment below to be automatically entered into the book giveaway contest.

Written by: Kristen Clark

lies about motherhood

4 Lies About Motherhood Exposed
4 Lies About Motherhood Exposed 1040 1280 Mona Corwin

Sitting at a stoplight in the pouring rain, I saw her as she struggled to get her toddler unbuckled and out of her SUV. I thought to myself, “It’s really early to be out with a little one.” I continued my train of thought as I watched her shield her child from getting wet. “Moms are like that. They get wet, just to keep their babies dry.” I smiled as I watched her hand her baby to a woman at the door and quickly turn to get back in the car. What I saw next gripped my heart.

Safe in the car I could see she was crying very hard. Hands over her face and her wet head bent toward the steering wheel. My heart went out to her. I envisioned her posting later.

#MamaCouldHardlyDropHerOff

The light changed and I turned into my neighborhood.

My attention was quickly redirected as I saw a 4-year-old running in the rain toward a large puddle. Arms in the air to get the maximum height, he took the leap and landed smack in the middle, splashing water all over his 1-year-old brother who was giggling so hard his pacifier fell out. Their mom was running behind them laughing and capturing the moment on her iPhone.

I knew this little family, so I rolled down my window to join in the moment. Breathless the mom waved and said, “Some days you just have to start out with a pajama run in the rain.”

We both laughed and I turned into my driveway. As the garage door went up I checked my Instagram. I laughed out loud again. She had just posted the moment and I smiled as I pushed play and watched again the pajama rain run commentated by a laughing, breathless mumma. Her hastag?

#SomeThursdaysGottaStartRunningintheRain

I was surprised by the lump in my throat as emotion washed over my heart. Two moms in the rain, two different stories, two different mothering styles.

DON’T Stop Reading It’s about this time in the post that you might want to quit reading. You may think that I’m going to bash working moms. Or belittle moms who stay at home. I’m not going to do either.

What if there was another mothering style option? What if we stopped believing the lies about motherhood?

If we claim to be an enlightened and advanced society how have we come to the place where family is sacrificed for things, and moments exchanged for objects?

Why are there only two storylines for mothers? Women must give up their dreams for their children or they must give up their children for their dreams?

Deep in my heart I believe both options are wrong. I believe there is another option, another way, and another story to be told. And I hope it will inspire you whether you’re crying or laughing in the rain today.

[Tweet “Why only two storylines for mothers? Give up dreams for children or Give up children for dreams? Mona Corwin”]

The 4 lies about motherhood

I believe there are prevailing lies in our world. Lies that have become the outlines for the stories women are writing for themselves. And these lies have kept women captured in the “work or not work” drama.

Lies like:

  • You can have it all… I’m superwoman
  • You will get left behind… I’m the oppressed
  • You can’t have it all so just give it up… I’m the martyr

And the worse mom-heart ripping lie: The kids will be fine. They will adjust. It’s school right? No wait he’s a baby. Let’s be honest it’s really a daycare…. I’m replaceable.

Let me make myself clear

You lil mumma are not superwoman, oppressed, or a victim and you certainly are not replaceable. The world has cast a role of womanhood, motherhood and marriage that is not attainable. It puts women at odds with their innate callings and instead of being able to support each other they’re at one another’s throats.

That’s not the storyline any of us want to live.

[Tweet “Enlightened society? Why then is family sacrificed for things and moments exchanged for objects? Mona Corwin”]

A New Story

I believe it is time to break the lies and gather around to support each other and write another story. One that focuses on a woman’s core callings, her individual gifts and talents while still creating a home environment where people flourish and God is center. This kind of mothering style can and does exist.

Wonder how? Well, that’s what the Balanced MomLife is going to be talking about. Finding your calling, finding your balance and living your story.

I believe that we can break the lies and find our way home to our children without giving up our gifts and talents. And I believe that our time in history makes this more feasible than ever before.

Let me ask you this:

  • If you want to be at home with your little ones? Why aren’t you?
  • If you want to pursue your gifts and talents? Why have you given up on them?
  • If you don’t know the answer to these questions then maybe I can help.

Let’s do this

As your virtual Life Coach, I want to help you find your calling, find your balance, and live your story. You can be the woman, wife and mother your want to be and create a home that nourishes the lives in it… including your own.

This post is only the beginning of the story. Virtual coaching and mentoring is what this website is all about. I’ll have posts, tips, conversations, troubles revealed and problems solved in the life of this blog. There will be things you may want to add to the script of your life and lots we all might need to leave on the editing room floor. One thing is for sure… you don’t have to do it alone.

Wander around the site or click here to get updates. I’ll let you know when I post fresh content from the 4 ingredients to the Secret Sauce of living a balanced mom life story.

What prevailing lies have you believed about your motherhood, womanhood and marriages? Let’s talk. I’ll be over on Facebook. Come join me and other moms who are writing their stories too.

See you there…

Hugs,

Mona

Good Job Lil Mumma (Amy Pierson)
Good Job Lil Mumma (Amy Pierson) 1774 1774 Mona Corwin

<GUEST POST> My sweet friend Amy Pierson is guest posting for us this week. Amy is our social media director and she does a great job. Amy has worn many hats in her lifetime including, Girls Minister at Prestonwood Church. She was my co-author for “Table for Two” published by Lifeway in 2010. Since then Amy has taken her on her favorite role of SAHM and is flourishing with her husband Kyle and 2 little ones in Plano, Texas. 

Today is Palm Sunday. For the last few weeks I’ve been texting back and forth sharing Easter ideas with girlfriends who have kids with similar ages. One of my friends even wrote a blog filled with great ideas! I’m so thankful for the encouragement we all get from each other!  

My 19 month old was sick with a fever and I sadly couldn’t go to church this am. My husband took my very excited 3 year old. She’s generally an excited kid, but today she was bouncing off the walls. We had been talking about Easter with the Jesus Storybook Bible, resurrection eggs, and crafts. I knew our church would give her a palm branch. I told her as they were leaving and she was thrilled! She came home waving it and squealing hosanna non-stop. I cracked up and took a video to email to my family. I just happened to be texting with Mona, a mom mentor, so I sent her the video. She immediately wrote back, “adorable! Good job lil mumma!”

I shared the video on Instagram later, but Mona’s congrats felt better than all the likes. I knew she wasn’t just “liking” that my kid is funny or cute. She was affirming that reading to my kids and getting my kid excited about Christ is well worth it. She was reminding me that making even the smallest disciple takes effort but it is a job well done.

It is too fun and easy to snap a pic and get liked on social media. I mean we all have cute kids, and it’s not our fault they’re hilarious too. Ha

But, her text reminded me that I’m so blessed to have a group of godly older women who not only agree my kid is cute, but affirm my training and teaching them. The days can be long and physically exhausting, but I’m thankful to look up from the diapers and see godly older women who have godly adult kids cheering me on.

Do you have a godly woman at your church who gives you and others an awesome example to not only persevere but also enjoy this season of littles? Send this to her and tell her job well done!

So, hop over to Facebook , Twitter  or Instagram and Tell us about someone who encourages you.

MonaCorwin.org … Mentoring you in the art of motherhood, marriage and creating homes where lives flourish…including your own.

stay at home moms

Stay at home moms redefine what it means to be successful as a woman
Stay at home moms redefine what it means to be successful as a woman 500 346 Mona Corwin

International Women’s Day was March 8th. There was much discussion about women, rights, and advancement. However, it seemed there was a section of womanhood left out of the celebration and I wondered “why?”

It’s the best time ever to be a woman. There are no boundaries for taking those God given gifts and talents and developing them into the highest level of excellence.

And although there are places in the world where women are suppressed, here in America women are flourishing. Professional careers are possible and with so many delaying marriage and children, there is plenty of time to climb in the ranks of their field.

Yet, there is a trend that was missing from the rhetoric on March 8th. With all the talk about women advancing in any area of life they might choose, it was interesting that one group was not being encouraged to “advance.”

The trend I’m talking about is women from beauticians to corporate executives, that are going home to raise their children and grow their families.

Who are these women?

Many are career professionals; focused, educated and successful and some are hourly workers tired of pushing someones else’s paper around. They have had enough of the rat race. Enough of dropping their children off into someone else’s care to then pick them up, exhausted after a full day’s work, only to eat fast food, administer baths and stories, and put everybody to bed. All to start it again.

This chaos has resulted in women saying, “Enough!” They have picked up their kids, taken their MBA’s and left the building. They’re choosing to leave the workplace and be moms at home.

Perhaps it’s just what happens when the happily ever after career woman falls in love with motherhood and family.

Forfeiting a salary for a family just makes sense to them. And so they are choosing quality of home life over quantity of bank accounts.

Familiar with setting goals and achieving, they have taken their new position by the reins with the desire to be experts at this mom at home thing. Highly motivated, these women quickly learn the art of making one-dollar stretch to ten, produce spread sheet savvy budgets, cook Paleo and Vegan and set about to grow little people into wonderful adults.

If their children are in school it is common to see them earning money from various endeavors. Determined to keep family the focus they are driving yet another trend, that of the entrepreneur… or mom-preneurs as they lovingly call themselves.

In the era of the Internet, it has never been easier to make money from home. And moms at home are benefiting. From online businesses to selling products and services directly to their community, these moms are connecting and developing networks that offer support and encouragement. In the true sense of community moms are reshaping their worlds.

Help Wanted

You would suppose all would be well. Yet with all their good intent many have found the reshaping and redefining of happily-ever-after a bit like juggling jello.

The art of mothering and family and home doesn’t come with a measuring stick or office manual. And runny noses, though abundant, are not quarterly reports.

So, with the measuring stick of culture removed a girl can wonder:

  • Am I doing this right? Ugh. Goggle never had kids. Where can I get good advice I can trust?
  • Am I significant? Cuz I feel invisible and maybe someone else really would do a better job raising my kids than me.
  • I’m lonely. Is anybody else doing this?
  • And why is there the sticky green stuff in my hair again? Sexy? What’s that?

Rewriting your happily-ever-after in a culture that considers your mom-at- home choice a horror flick can leave you questioning those choices. Let’s face it; sometimes it is hard to find good examples, information and mentors. Women who can help you get a clear picture of what motherhood, home, and family should look like.

This could be one of the reasons the lost art of Mentoring is making a big comeback. More younger women are seeking older women to come along side and tell them that everything is going to be all right.

The challenge is that it’s hard to find real flesh and blood women who are willing to mentor and even fewer that have blazed the trail of mom-at-home. It’s easier to find a female CEO.

I was where you are

I get it. I was just like you, trying to figure it out all those years ago. Trying everything and messing up. I thought I was an awful mom and a nagging wife. The world told me what I did was insignificant and could be duplicated at any day care or fast food chain.

My man and I had long before decided that our greatest adventure wasn’t going to be growing wealth or writing books. Our greatest adventure was to grow a family. I knew we were creating something special but sometimes I feared that our adventure wouldn’t end in happily-ever-after. But maybe it’d end in disaster.

We went against the culture anyway. It was lonely for me as a mom-at-home. And at times I wondered if giving up a career path was worth it. But then I’d see my little ones singing and laughing or fighting and screaming (let’s be honest here) and I knew growing a family was more valuable than growing a portfolio.

I needed help!

I just wanted someone to encourage me and not shame me. Someone to point me to practical solutions while helping me heal my spiritual dryness. I kept looking and I kept asking. I vowed then that if given a chance I would help other moms-at-home. The good news is that I finally found several someones along the way that pointed and guided me through my happily-ever-after story.

Any Regrets?

With only one of our 5 children left at home, I’m on the other side of those diapers and diplomas. Regrets? Nope not a one! And YES it was all worth it.

We really did get to grow our family. It isn’t perfect and sometimes it wasn’t pretty. But it’s full of love, loyalty and laughter. And, even when we are apart our hearts are weaved together in a way that is more present than if we were all in one room at the same time.

Today it’s not unusual for my husband or I to say to the other one, “We have the coolest kids on the planet.” (Yes, this is a mom moment. Don’t judge, I earned it. Ha.) But honestly we really do. They are all out impacting the world and creating a sense of family everywhere they go- with our oldest continuing the legacy of family with his very own one. Our hearts are full.

There is no story plot I’d rather live. For there is nothing more valuable than raising children created in the image of God to love Him and others as family.

And just in case your thinking me and my man are in the final scene of our story. Think again. There is no “the end” or “you’re fired” in this story. You won’t find us walking off into the sunset. That’s the beauty of family. It is an ever flowing, unfolding story of happily-ever-after.

Sweet friend, I’ve been where you are and in some cases I’m still doing what you’re doing. I created MonaCowin.org with you in mind. My desire is to be as close to flesh and blood real as I can: A virtual mentor if you will.

Want to learn more about Moms@Home?

  • You can subscribe to MonaCorwin.org and find me in your inbox with encouragement, Blog updates and practical solutions for your mothering, marriage and home. And be the first to listen to the upcoming podcast we’re developing. We’ll let ya know. (The sign up box is in the sidebar to your right)

So, hop over to Facebook , Twitter  or Instagram and join the conversation.

MonaCorwin.org… Mentoring you in the art of motherhood, marriage and creating homes where lives flourish…including your own.

Fifty Shades of Gray

“Fifty Shades of Gray” Q & A
“Fifty Shades of Gray” Q & A 2048 2048 Mona Corwin

This isn’t the post I want to write for Valentine’s. I wanted to write something peppy and Pinterest-like. But, I must be true to my promise to be genuine with you.

First, let me say that it’s my honor and greatest joy to serve you with information and encouragement in your womanhood. I hold the relationship of mentor and friend tenderly in my heart.

With that said, let me start…

I long to see women living in the fullness of their design and that includes sex.

In recent decades, the line between black and white regarding sex has blurred to gray. So it was no surprise that a book like Fifty Shades of Gray was written.

What did surprise me was that 100 million women have read the book. What saddened my heart was many of them were Christian women. What shocked me was that the movie would be released on Valentine’s Day. A day meant for love and commitment was the day when potentially millions of women would be seeing exactly the opposite.

“There is an attack on what true love feels like to a woman and
what true love looks like in a relationship.”

Mona Corwin

It was then that I realized if I was going to be true to my promise to talk about the hard stuff, I would have to write a post I had been putting off.

As a spiritual mentor, I’ve received many questions regarding this book/movie and others like it. Wanting to be helpful to those I mentor, I studied erotica, intimacy and the effects of it all on spirituality and marriage.

Will you take a moment to read a few questions I have received along with answers I have given? As you do, will you hear the answers given in my most tender voice – not one of judgment, but one of sisterhood that would never want you hurt or deceived.

 

Question: “I have longings that my husband isn’t meeting. Isn’t it ok to read books like Fifty Shades of Gray?”

Answer: While sex is gratifying to you as an individual, it is ultimately designed as a covenant between two people. God created sex to be enjoyed within a covenant called marriage. Anything outside of that will never satisfy. It is the only place where the wonder, adventure and fun of sex in covenant can be fully experienced.

  • Even research agrees. The National Survey on Christian Female Sexuality highlights that married Christian women have the most fun and most sex of all women in the study.[1] Yet there are still women all over the country, including Christian women, who are lonely and desperate for intimacy.
  • The temptation to fulfill their longing is everywhere. Then, along comes something erotic wrapped in romance and they believe the lie that it is ok and they begin to indulge in it. While it’s true that the longings will be satisfied in the moment, it is also tragically true that the indulgence is at great expense. The temporary indulgence will actually move them further away from the intimacy they long for.

“The truth is, erotica erodes intimacy each time making it even
harder to fulfill the longing of a woman’s heart.”

Mona Corwin

Question: “It’s not like I’m having an affair, it’s just fantasy, so why not?”

Answer:

  • Bringing another person into your sexual life, even through fantasy, is a violation of the design and covenant. It is very difficult to be in a fantasy and reality at the same time. One interrupts the other. And the one that can be manipulated by your mind to please you will win. Aka: the fantasy. Again, fantasy erodes the intimacy between a man and a woman with other people in your thoughts or in the room. Erotica erodes the connection between you and your mate.
  • Erotica shifts the focus from us to me. It makes sexual satisfaction solely about self-satisfying and not the God-kind of intimacy.
  • God’s design: a relationship where each person is able to share themselves and their feelings with vulnerability and love. A self-giving, life-long friendship where in safety you can know and be known and be real. Real is always better than fantasy. Books like Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas, suggest that sex is actually giving, not getting.

“Authentic sexuality is highly fulfilling.
Expressed in covenant love, it moves us to share
our lives, bodies and our very essence with our mates.”

Mona Corwin 

Question: “I’m not hurting anyone and it spices up our sex life. I’m married, so that’s ok, right?”

Answer:

  • While it’s true that hormones and chemicals might temporarily fire things up, that blaze isn’t going to stay burning without adding more wood to the fire. Science shows that the ability to fire it up the next time will require more and different erotica. This means one book or one movie will never be enough.
  • We are familiar with the thought that pornography for men is very visual. However, for women, it is highly relational.
  • Science shows that it starts as harmless romantic stories or soap operas to online erotica and eventually to porn. Don’t be fooled. It happens to women every day, whether they are married or single.

Question: “I’m single and I have desires. So that’s ok, right?”

 Answer:

  • Yes, your desires are real and yes you need to address them in the light – not in the dark or in any shade of gray. Some things really are black and white. Thinking you’re saving yourself for marriage and using erotica as an outlet? You’re deceived. The stakes are too high for you as a woman and for your husband if you marry.
  • Do not be condemned by your own sexual sensations. Learn how to deal with them in a godly way. Honest community and resources that answer your questions from the Bible are good places to find answers to hard questions. I recommend a few of the best books and websites at the end of this article.
  • Erotica and romance will draw you out and connect you in a way that can easily step over the line of romance to pornography. This will create unrealistic and harmful expectations for men.
  • Fantasy and erotica can become your “mate,” and worse, can become your “god.”
  • Women of all seasons are turning to pornography of different kinds to meet their desires.[2] Sadly, the fastest growing users of online pornography are teenage girls.[3]

Good News

Yet, there is some good news this Valentine’s Day. God isn’t about the big NO for everything regarding sex. He’s all about the sex. He created it to be adventurous, fun and bonding. As women, perhaps it’s time we looked at the original intent of sex and start enjoying all of it. Frankly, I’m glad Christian women are asking questions and getting real answers. Here’s to Valentine’s Day and putting true romance back into the bedroom. Be a friend and Share this post today!

This post will most likely generate questions some about this topic or another one. If you have questions or want to encourage women on this topic, join the conversation on Facebook or email me confidentially. Join the community and conversation of women who are helping restore the value of womanhood, marriage and children.

Here are some other excellent books, YouTube videos and websites.

  • “Pulling back the Shades” by Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery
  • “The Passion Pursuit” by Linda Dillow and Dr. Juli Slattery (10-week video course for women)
  • “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas
  • “Intimate Issues: Twenty-one Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex” by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus
  • “Is ‘Fifty Shade’ series harmful to your marriage?” The spiritual reason.
  • “What are you waiting for? The One Thing No One Ever Tells You about Sex” by Dannah Gresh
  • “And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh. (10-week study for teens)
  • Authentic Intimacy – Best site for hard answers
  • Dirty Girls Ministries – An online accountability community for women overcoming sexual addiction, especially porn or erotica.
  • X3pure – An online thirty-day recovery program featuring confidential, streaming video workshops.

[1] The study, titled “The National Survey on Christian Female Sexuality,” was conducted by Debra Taylor, M.A., MFT, Archibald Hart, Ph.D, and Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D. An AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Ventura, Calif.

[2] Pornography Addiction a Growing Problem Among Women

[3] Teens and Porn: 10 Stats You Need to Know

Watch video: Is ‘Fifty Shades’ series harmful to your marriage?

the best of me

When “The Best of Me” Isn’t That Good (Kristen Clark)
When “The Best of Me” Isn’t That Good (Kristen Clark) 510 357 Mona Corwin
Recently I blogged about great sites you won’t want you daughter to miss. Ya’ll were so grateful to find resources for you and your daughter can enjoy. You said the conversations were flowing! 

I am away at the Michael Hyatt, Platform Conference learning how to better serve you. So I asked one of them to guest post for me. And Girldefined said yes!

So let me introduce you to two of the cutest girls around, Kristen Clark and Bethany Baird from Girldefined.com. You’re going to love these Texas sisters. They love Jesus, radiate true beauty and are bold as lions.

Enjoy and don’t forget to go visit their awesome site at www.girldefined.com. Thanks Kristen for this amazing post. You rock girlie.

When the “Best of Me” Isn’t That Good

 by Kristen Clark

 Boy meets girl, they “fall in love,” they jump in bed together, and then grow up and move miles apart.

Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end there.

If having sex before marriage wasn’t bad enough, this pair of high school sweethearts return to their hometown many years later and decide to hook up again.

There’s a catch though. She now has a husband.

Instead of remaining faithful to her husband and family, she believes “fate” is reuniting her with her former beau. Instead of telling him, “Sorry, I’m married and can’t go out with you anymore,” she jumps at the chance to rekindle an old flame.

In dazzling lights and heartfelt drama, she commits adultery.

Moviegoers are moved to tears as this romance unfolds.

The audience is convinced that committing adultery isn’t so bad if you’re married to a drunk, dud of a husband. They’re convinced that “fate” was pulling this couple together from the beginning. They’re convinced that her current marriage and family are the only thing standing in the way of true love.

Millions of girls and women are drying their tears after watching this movie…but they’re not tears of sadness.

If you don’t already know what I’m talking about, it’s the new movie based on Nicolas Spark’s book, The Best of Me.

Regardless of what Nicolas Sparks thinks, sometimes “the best of me” isn’t all that good.

I normally don’t write movie reviews or address the latest trends in Hollywood, but when a popular song or movie comes out and all the Christians are talking about how much they love it, I take a second glance.

A Christian girl I know recently had a friend tell her how amazing this movie was and how she just HAD to go see it.

My friend listened patiently then asked her friend if the main character has sex with another guy’s wife. The girl looked shocked at the question and responded by saying, “Well…yeah…if you want to look at it that way. But it wasn’t really wrong because she had a horrible husband. She loved the other guy way more.”

We live in a culture where love and sex are tossed around wherever our emotions take us.

Marriage and commitment are considered a thing of the past.

If you’ve seen this movie or are planning on seeing it, I hope you’ll take some time to carefully consider what you’re watching. The world is genius at making sin look romantic and sweet, and movies like this are a perfect example.

As Christians, we have to take a step back from the dramatized, emotion-driven scenes and ask ourselves what God thinks.

When considering this movie, we know three Biblical truths for a fact:

1. Sex before marriage is a sin. Period. No matter how “in love” a young couple might be…sex outside of marriage is a rebellious act against God’s design.

2. If you’re a married woman, having sex with someone other than your husband is a sin. Period. It doesn’t matter how stupid or drunk your husband is, you are commanded by God to be faithful to him until death separates you.

3. Love is an action, not a feeling. True love doesn’t give up on the hard cases. It keeps loving and pursuing until the end. It doesn’t follow its emotions, but leads itself with truth.

Entertainment may seem harmless, but in reality, it’s one of the most deadly things out there.

You may think that sex outside of marriage and adultery are wrong now, but wait until 25 chick flicks later…you probably won’t feel the same anymore.

That’s why God specifically commands us to guard our hearts: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).

God commands us to guard our minds too: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8).

And the Psalmist challenges us by saying, “I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it” (Psalm 101:3).

To be honest, I haven’t watched this movie myself and don’t plan on it.

I did the research, read the reviews, and heard enough bad reports to know it wasn’t a good option.

I’m not writing this post to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, but I hope you’ll seriously consider what you’re filling your mind with before stepping into the theater to watch The Best of Me.

Let’s make it personal:

  • Do you find yourself getting swayed by worldly thinking if you watch a movie like this?
  • What negative effects have chick flicks had on your view of love, sex and romance?
  • Are you willing to say no to movies that glorify sin and justify it as a good thing?

Breathing Life Into A Generation
Breathing Life Into A Generation 1000 667 Mona Corwin

Tear-filled words were coming across the phone line. Yet another young mom was looking to me for comfort.

Checking my schedule, I found that there wasn’t room for even one more mentoring session. I offered a quick coffee time to help in the moment, but ongoing mentoring just wasn’t available. I’d have to put her on the waiting list.

Ugh. The waiting list! I hated hearing the words come out of my mouth. This precious woman, who longed to make godly choices and learn how to deal with struggles in her marriage and home, was put on a list. My heart sunk to think I could not spend time with her. I knew the struggles she was enduring, and I knew from my own life that God had answers.

No woman seeking help should ever be without a listening ear. God created us to be in relationships, to learn from each other, to comfort and encourage each other.

Mentoring, or as some call it discipleship, is God’s method for passing down Biblical truths and disciplines. It’s about learning, loving, and pointing, lots of pointing. Not pointing in condemnation or judgment, but pointing to ideas, solutions and God’s word. But mostly pointing to Jesus, His character and becoming more like Him.

Mentors provide a guiding, encouraging voice that’s been there before. They can help point out lies of the enemy and pitfalls while lovingly encourage others through the “messy middle.”  You know, that place between where they are struggling and where they will be after they renew their minds.

The number of women desiring to be mentored is staggering. How did this wonderful gift from God fade away to the point that many don’t even know it exists?

The enemy of God’s people does not want us finding truth within community. He knows the power of a woman. Perhaps that’s why in Genesis 2 he approached Eve first.  Women influence those around them. Eve’s name means: giver of life. As Eve’s daughters, our life-giving ability is not just contained to giving birth to children. As women, we can bring life and speak life into every situation and relationship in our everyday world.

While the TV talk shows and magazines covers aren’t chatting about this valuable gift called mentoring, God’s church is certainly awakening to the power of it. There is a ground swell that is crossing this nation as women are discovering the lost art of mentoring relationships. Seeing this hunger in women has propelled me to created this website, and offer virtual online mentoring.

In the months to come The Balanced MomLife will be offering online mentoring. You will be able to sign up for a time with me in group or personal life coaching. Grab a bunch of your mom friends and sign up for one of my private group life coaching sessions. Travel together with women you love as you all discover who you are, what your good at, and how to live your unique story. (sign up here to be notified when the Jan. MomLife Coaching Sessions open for enrollment.)

Truth be told, I’m not the hero in this life coaching thing. I’m the guide. You lil mumma are the hero of your own story. Want to start writing it? Want to have words to make it clear where you are and where your going in your marriage, mothering and own life? Well, that’s what mentoring and life coaching are all about. Sign up for my weekly emails where I’ll speak life into your momlife.

I want to help you breathe life into your womanhood, your motherhood and your marriage. God created you with gifts and talents and He has a plan for your life. And you know what lil Mumma? He’s not hiding it from you. Get in on one of these mom mentoring groups and let’s find that unique story that’s yours alone.

Thinking, breathing deep, hugs,

Mona

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Mona Corwin, Creator of the MomsLikeUs Academy, Podcast and Community