YES– I was one of those single women who had all kinds of plans about how I would discipline our kids and how I knew what would work. UGH… I had no idea. Then I had kids. Frustrated and overwhelmed I knew I had to get a clue! Some days I just wanted to give up and just let them do whatever and hope for the best. But that isn’t God’s design. So I pushed back my shoulders and my fear went to God’s tried and true advice for disciplining kids.
You can check out some of the books I loved from my last post. But here’s what I found out about Discipling God’s way and doing it like Him.
It’s Part of the Job
Let’s face kids aren’t born knowing how to treat their siblings or tell the truth. We’re the ones that teach them. It can be hard but God has instruction and advice for parents. He expects us to discipline, but to do it like HIM.
Discipline IS Teaching
God wants us to teach our children, to instruct and direct them to His ways. Ways that are for their good and keep them from harm. Also to help them find their way in life and thrive in it.
Like Him?
So what does that look like? The Bible is the best place to discover His character and truths. And whenever you see God acting as a parent in scripture take note. If you follow who He is and what he does then you will be right on tract and they will too.
God’s Discipline Advice for Parents
The following are a few things I found when I searched the way He disciplines. As you read do not feel condemnation! Please! Let it make your future discipline more effective. Remember we are ALL learning and growing- kids and parents.
“So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.
Teach them to your children.
Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road,
when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.
Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates
so that as long as the sky remains above the earth
you and your children may
flourish in the land the Lord swore to give you.”
Deut. 4:18-21
1.God’s believes discipline is loving
He disciplines us and it is always rooted in a deep love that is for our good. We should model this in our own parenting. This is a hard balance but we can do it. Note: Be careful that your discipline isn’t punishment. (More on this topic next week.)
“If you love your children, you will correct them; and
if you don’t love them you won’t correct them.”
Proverbs 13:24
2. God has rules and boundaries
Yep in spite of what the culture says there’s a right and a wrong. God has them already in place to help us stay out of trouble so we don’t need discipline. Simple, you don’t get in trouble by following the rules. Your family rules should be clear for your kids. Writing them and posting them helps too.
“For a command is a lamp, teaching is a light, and
corrective discipline is the way to life.”
Proverbs 6:23
3. God points out wrong.
He provides conviction and not condemnation when we break the rules or bust out of the boundaries. Conviction is pointing out the wrong. Condemnation attacks self worth and identity. Convictions says what you did was bad. Condemnation says YOU are bad.
“For a command is a lamp, teaching is a light, and
corrective discipline is the way to life.”
Proverbs 6:23
Remember that they are learning. Even if it feels like it’s the 50th time they are learning the same thing. Respond with conviction and not condemnation.
4. God never says sin is little or ok
God is honest and does not lie. He cannot say our sin or disobedience is ok because it isn’t. But there is always hope! Helping your child see his actions as something that can change offers hope. Help them to learn to repent: see their ways, be sorry for them, turn from them and make a better choice. This enables them to grow and move forward.
5. God believes in personal responsibility
He gave us all free will to make personal choices. Even kids. He believes in our ability to make the right choice.
He doesn’t see us as victims but conquerors or our bad behavior and circumstances. The “it’s not my fault” syndrome that is deeply at work in our culture is NOT God’s design no matter how old you are As parents we need to help our children accept their part in their behavior and call out the victor in them to overcome.
“No, in all these things we are more than
conquerors through him who loved us.”
Romans 8:37
6. Be like Jesus!
He doesn’t just want to curb our behavior he wants to instill his goodness and holiness into our character.
We are called to holiness. Yet we are humans so we can never be fully holy. Let your children know that we are all learning and growing in our character… even mom and dad. No one is perfect except Jesus so we can follow his example. Use God’s character as the standard.
“So Jesus explained, “I tell you the truth,
the Son can do nothing by himself.
He does only what he sees the Father doing.
Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.”
John 5:19
7. Thank heaven for Grace.
Grace! Oh wonderful grace. It is a deep well of wonder that is satisfying to the soul to learn. But in short: It is the God given ability to do the right thing and the forgiveness for doing the bad.
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:13
God isn’t about beating us up with our past. He is interested in our future. This is a huge step in the discipline of children and when it is left out can beat down and degrade them.
Not sure if you have ever had someone remind you by recounting all the times you have failed, sinned and fallen every time you struggle. It doesn’t feel good. God has instruction for us as we discipline and here is the big one. (it’s for us moms too.)
“Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children,
but bring them up in the training instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4
Degrading and attacking identity can stir up anger and defeat that is unproductive and honestly just plain unkind. This happens when child feels the need to protect themselves and their hearts. If you have to remind them of a continuous pattern do it very carefully with much love and encouragement. However! Just because they are sad or angry doesn’t mean you don’t discipline.
Yep, got a scripture for that one too.
“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening–it’s painful!
But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of
right living for those who are trained in this way.”
NLT Hebrews 12: 11
Show Grace
Grace is wonderful and powerful tool in the disciplining of children. God always offers us grace. Do the same. Offer your children the kind that forgives and redirects with strength and hope. Let them know we are all learning and growing and that you believe in them and see the fruit of it in their lives.
Discipline is a challenge. I get it! But it can be done effectively if you determine to do it God’s way. Do you have a struggle with disciplining your kids? What is the biggest challenge you face? Leave a comment below. And I’ll address it on another blog.
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